So, I'm starting this blog as a way to log my thoughts in on this whole process. Yesterday at around 10am, my daughter was finally, after two years of basically throwing research in faces to convince everyone, diagnosed with ADHD. I knew this was an issue when she was four. She is now 6 1/2 and has been diagnosed with severe ADHD impulsive type. I was on the fence about it for the first year of her life. I didn't want to medicate my child, I thought she was just a normal, healthy (mentally), active kid. (Bwahahah) It wasn't until she entered day care that I was proven wrong. When her provider told me that Chey had the hyperactivity comparable to that of a two-year-old boy, I began the process of documenting and speaking with Doctors to see about getting her help. (For both of us) She was more than I could handle at the time, and had to constantly be entertained, which let me tell you is serious work and exhausting for an epileptic, bipolar mother. I was afraid that my daughter would not be able to thrive in school because of her inability to sit still and pay attention. I was not wrong. I am not prejudiced in saying that my daughter is an intelligent kid. She is logical, and puts things together well. But the public classroom isn't exactly equipped to deal with a child who can run laps around the classroom and still take in everything the teacher is saying. Or who wants to jog in place while reciting the alphabet. (Seriously though, I've watched her do it.) I tried behavioral changes. Time-outs seemed to stop the fit-throwing, (sometimes) and changes in her diet did absolutely nothing. After three separate teacher evaluations, and a bajeerondy trips to both psychiatrists and psychologists, I finally spoke again to her primary care physician and explained that we were getting absolutely no where, and I was ready to set their offices aflame. Chey was then referred to a pediatrician, who, after spending less than ten minutes in the room with her, diagnosed her. My child had been diagnosed with Bi-polar, and BPD. (Keep in mind she was five at the time of diagnosis.) I had no idea that children her age cannot display symptoms of these disorders when they began giving her a slew of unnecessary medications that rendered her non-functional and quite frankly scared the living shit out of me. The first time you see your ADHD child voluntarily napping for THREE HOURS, panic WILL set in.
So yesterday, my daughter took her first stimulant ADHD medication after a two-hour doctor appointment. She was TRIPPIN!! My baby acted like she had paused long enough to see the WHOLE world for the first time. "Mom is this our town? What are those trees?" My child, for the first time ever, sat. And stared. And spoke quietly. Not going to lie, I got scared. My child has, from the day she was born NEVER BEEN QUIET. But there she sat. Staring. Thinking. And this was all well and good until that three hour mark hit and the medication wore off. And did so with vengeance. All hell broke lose when my daughter crashed. There was crying. And screaming. Begging. Pleading. And she did all that as well. I got her home, and put her to bed. I thought we were cool. I was dead wrong. When her pediatrician mentioned "possible insomnia or trouble sleeping" as a side-effect, I had no idea this would actually happen. I mean, I probably and realistically should have known. My daughter IS the side-effect kid. So at 1:30(ish) when my little bundle of BZZZZT woke up, I thought something was wrong. "My tummy hurts" It was actually my friend who got up with me that mentioned another side effect being decreased appetite that I put two and two together. Hungry kid. Got it. Since I'm epileptic and lack of sleep has a SEVERE impact on my seizures, my friend sent me back to sleep and proceeded to make the kid a sandwich and hang out with her until she fell back asleep. Okay. No biggie, I got help and she will crash again. Yeah,....wrong again mom! At about 5:15 a.m. my friend wakes me up with, "It's your turn mom. She's hungry." Cool. I got this. Get up, get her some cereal, and give her the second dose of medication a bit earlier today so it isn't still in her system when we go to bed. Nope again. The first dose (this is not extended release by the way) was given at 7:30 a.m. and by 10:30 a.m. my daughter is yammering, bouncing off walls, and on the verge of a fit. Everyone in the house is irritated, I'm angry and defensive over my poor kid.....bad combo. So I bring her home, and attempt to feed and entertain her. My poor walls,....she's bouncing. And if any mother of a child with ADHD (Hyperactive or hyperactive impulsive type) says that they never even considered drugging them for a nap,....they're a damn liar. I love my daughter. More than anything in this world. Both of my daughters. But my youngest is seriously giving me a run for my money right now, and wearing me to the point of "I love you but I have the urge to shake you. But I wont because I love you." I'm tired, agitated, frustrated, and I just want to get it right before my kid gets to a point in her life where there is potential for failure. And don't sugar coat crap with, "Children don't fail, they make mistakes." Because I know that's BS. There is a pivotal moment in every kids life where that one decision they either make or don't make determines the outcome of the rest of their life. I made mine, and am still struggling to come back from that. I want to see this hyperactive, bouncy little turd walk at graduation. In white even! And for all this to happen with no drug addictions, alcoholism, or pregnancies. Mommies please, don't look so appalled, in this day and age getting your kid out of high school with a diploma and none of the aforementioned problems is a serious success as a parent. Do I want her to go to college? Yes. Degree? Of course. But baby steps, ladies. And currently our speed bump is the sanity of those around us, and first grade. Will check in again soon as she progresses, but for now....I'm going to go give her an afternoon dose, wait to get her labs done on monday and hope for an XR medication as a substitute. Also- a glass of wine doesn't sound to goddamned bad right now.
